Bayard & Holmes
~ Piper Bayard
I’ve often posted dating tips on FB. This post is in response to friends there who have asked me to elaborate . . .
“Seducing someone is almost as difficult as watching ice melt, but not quite. You can do better.” ~ Mom
It’s easy to find sex.
Almost all of the population wants it at any given moment of any given day, and regardless of your sexual orientation, half the horny people on the planet are potential sex partners.
But finding a life partner? That’s another matter altogether.
The most important step to finding a life partner is to learn to be happy alone. Yes, that’s right. Learn to be happy alone. That way, you won’t settle for a toxic relationship just because you’re afraid of the sound of your own head rattling around in an empty house.
But wait a minute, you say. If I were happy alone, why would I bother dating at all?
Because when you’re happy alone, you end up with more of yourself than you need. You develop an abundance of spirit that makes you want to share yourself with someone else. You are an overflowing cup that seeks another vessel to fill. That “other vessel” is the “We” of a relationship.
Relationships have an “I,” a “You,” and a “We.”
People who aren’t happy alone are half full cups. They find other half full cups and empty themselves into a third cup – the “We” cup. Since the “I” and “You” are now empty cups, they draw from the “We” without having anything left to nurture it, and the “We” runs dry.
People who are full cups attract other full cups, and together, they make a “We” cup that holds their overflow. The relationship is about giving to the “We,” and not about taking from it. The “We” is a creation born from abundance and not from want, so it doesn’t run dry.
Full “I” + Full “You” = Full “We”
Great, you say. So how do I start being happy alone?
- First, clean your room. Seriously. Clean your room. Messy surroundings sap the spirit, and you’re going for abundance here.
- Treat yourself with class. You matter.
- Ask yourself what it is that you want someone else to give you, and find ways to give those things to yourself.
- Figure out if you have unresolved pain. That’s the restlessness that keeps you overscheduling your life and seeking out social media in lieu of quiet time alone with your head.
- Get help to resolve that pain. Find a competent professional or a good friend who can guide you to a better place, so that time alone with yourself doesn’t scare you anymore.
- Make a list of twenty things you want to do in the next five years.
- Turn off the computer, pick something off of the list, and go do it.
- Get rid of the people in your life who don’t respect you. Likewise, get rid of the ones you don’t respect. You and your time are too precious to share with anyone who doesn’t feed your dreams and nurture your soul.
- Cook good meals for yourself. Feeding yourself well is the most nurturing thing you can do for both your body and your soul.
- Actively seek out laughter and beauty. Both fill the spirit and lead to happiness.
Now give yourself a hug and enjoy the feel of your own embrace. Stop waiting for someone to come along make you happy. Love yourself, and the happy will come, and with it, a fellow full cup.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
When it comes to dating, Piper Bayard did it wrong, and then she did it right. She’s now been happily married for over two decades and is passing on the tips that helped her find a solid partner in building a life and a family.
Piper Bayard is also an author and a recovering attorney. Her writing partner, Jay Holmes, is an anonymous senior member of the intelligence community and a field veteran from the Cold War through the current Global War on Terror. Together, they are the bestselling authors of the international spy thriller, THE SPY BRIDE, available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
Keep in touch through updates at Bayard & Holmes Covert Briefing.
You can contact Bayard & Holmes in comments below, at their site, Bayard & Holmes, on Twitter at @piperbayard, on Facebook at Bayard & Holmes, or at their email, BH@BayardandHolmes.com.