Mom’s Dating Tips — First Be Happy Alone

Bayard & Holmes

~ Piper Bayard

I’ve often posted dating tips on FB. This post is in response to friends there who have asked me to elaborate . . .

“Seducing someone is almost as difficult as watching ice melt, but not quite. You can do better.” ~ Mom


Canstock 2015 Aug Melting Ice


It’s easy to find sex.

Almost all of the population wants it at any given moment of any given day, and regardless of your sexual orientation, half the horny people on the planet are potential sex partners.

But finding a life partner? That’s another matter altogether.

The most important step to finding a life partner is to learn to be happy alone. Yes, that’s right. Learn to be happy alone. That way, you won’t settle for a toxic relationship just because you’re afraid of the sound of your own head rattling around in an empty house.

But wait a minute, you say. If I were happy alone, why would I bother dating at all?

Because when you’re happy alone, you end up with more of yourself than you need. You develop an abundance of spirit that makes you want to share yourself with someone else. You are an overflowing cup that seeks another vessel to fill. That “other vessel” is the “We” of a relationship.

Relationships have an “I,” a “You,” and a “We.”

People who aren’t happy alone are half full cups. They find other half full cups and empty themselves into a third cup – the “We” cup. Since the “I” and “You” are now empty cups, they draw from the “We” without having anything left to nurture it, and the “We” runs dry.

People who are full cups attract other full cups, and together, they make a “We” cup that holds their overflow. The relationship is about giving to the “We,” and not about taking from it. The “We” is a creation born from abundance and not from want, so it doesn’t run dry.


Full "I" + Full "You" = Full "We"

Full “I” + Full “You” = Full “We”


Great, you say. So how do I start being happy alone?

  • First, clean your room. Seriously. Clean your room. Messy surroundings sap the spirit, and you’re going for abundance here.
  • Treat yourself with class. You matter.
  • Ask yourself what it is that you want someone else to give you, and find ways to give those things to yourself.
  • Figure out if you have unresolved pain. That’s the restlessness that keeps you overscheduling your life and seeking out social media in lieu of quiet time alone with your head.
  • Get help to resolve that pain. Find a competent professional or a good friend who can guide you to a better place, so that time alone with yourself doesn’t scare you anymore.
  • Make a list of twenty things you want to do in the next five years.
  • Turn off the computer, pick something off of the list, and go do it.
  • Get rid of the people in your life who don’t respect you. Likewise, get rid of the ones you don’t respect. You and your time are too precious to share with anyone who doesn’t feed your dreams and nurture your soul.
  • Cook good meals for yourself. Feeding yourself well is the most nurturing thing you can do for both your body and your soul.
  • Actively seek out laughter and beauty. Both fill the spirit and lead to happiness.

Now give yourself a hug and enjoy the feel of your own embrace. Stop waiting for someone to come along make you happy. Love yourself, and the happy will come, and with it, a fellow full cup.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Bayard & Holmes Official Photo

When it comes to dating, Piper Bayard did it wrong, and then she did it right. She’s now been happily married for over two decades and is passing on the tips that helped her find a solid partner in building a life and a family.

Piper Bayard is also an author and a recovering attorney. Her writing partner, Jay Holmes, is an anonymous senior member of the intelligence community and a field veteran from the Cold War through the current Global War on Terror. Together, they are the bestselling authors of the international spy thriller, THE SPY BRIDE, available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

THE SPY BRIDE Final Cover 3 inch


Keep in touch through updates at Bayard & Holmes Covert Briefing.

You can contact Bayard & Holmes in comments below, at their site, Bayard & Holmes, on Twitter at @piperbayard, on Facebook at Bayard & Holmes, or at their email,

26 comments on “Mom’s Dating Tips — First Be Happy Alone

  1. Very wise words. I’ve never been married, and never really dated much. I decided a long time ago if I wasn’t happy being single I’d never be happy dating or being married. Being married has its good points, but it can complicate things too. 🙂 It would be nice to be married, but I figure I’m better off not being married and maybe wishing I was at times than being married and wishing I wasn’t. :-p

  2. Reblogged this on mchllmdm and commented:
    Some good advice here.

  3. KM Huber says:

    Brilliant, Piper! Practical with just a touch of that great wit of yours. Loved this.

  4. Spot On, Piper!!!! Love this big time!! 💜💜

  5. Reblogged this on The Progressive Democrat and commented:
    So entirely true.

  6. tedhenkle says:

    Great advice Piper! I’ll second your Nice/Hell-on-Earth reply to Michelle.

  7. Don Royster says:

    Awesome post. Great symbolism about the glasses. One of my principles for a happy life is to never, ever settle for second best. Much of this advice addresses that. Another way of putting this is to be someone whom the right person would fall in love with. And make sure that they have a good heart and are a person who deserves your love.

    Somethings I would add. Make sure the person you find is someone who has I would also add. Find something you love doing and do it. Then you will meet someone who loves the same things. If you don’t meet that person, at least you will be enjoying your life.

    Once you meet that person and develop a relationship, remember the most important thing in a relationship is trust. Be a person the other can trust and demand that same trust from the other. True trust is not based on jealousy. If you cannot trust that person, one of you has a problem. Either the person doesn’t deserve trust or you have a problem. This does not mean that the woman cannot have male friends and the man cannot female friends.

    All of this comes from being with the same woman the last twenty-five years.

  8. Melanie Eads says:

    Your thinking is beautiful. But then you’re still the beautiful person I met many years ago.

  9. Really good points. I like making the 20 things list – and then turning off the computer and doing something on the list. Life is out there.

  10. […] the first article, First Be Happy Alone, we looked at why the first step to being happy with someone else is learning to be happy alone. A […]

  11. Great post. I have been a divorced single for over 30 years and have never regretted it.

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