The Troubling Case of Eddie Gallagher

Bayard & Holmes

~ Jay Holmes

US Navy SEAL Trident
Image public domain

Effective November 30, 2019, Seal Team Seven member Chief Special Warfare Operator Eddie Gallagher retired from the US Navy after twenty years of service. Though Gallagher remains on Fleet Reserve status, it is highly unlikely that he will ever return to active duty. His career is over, but the impacts of his career will continue to reverberate through the US Navy, as well as the entire US military establishment. It would do the nation well for Gallagher’s career to reverberate through the broader US society, but it will likely soon be forgotten by the public.

Gallagher joined the US Navy in 1999. During his twenty years of service, he completed eight combat deployments that I know of. I write “that I know of” because SEAL teams often deploy on short-term missions that are not made public. However, at a minimum, we know that Gallagher completed eight documented tours of combat duty.

Many US Navy SEALs retire each year without their names ever being uttered by a media outlet. Young men enlist. Some volunteer for SEAL selection. Comparatively few complete the training. Those few then continue to train. Then they deploy and fight, and they either die or survive. The survivors then train some more, go to war again, etc. Some die or are permanently maimed. The fortunate ones survive this cycle of training and fighting in reasonably good health and retire. Their wives and children try to breathe a sigh of relief and adjust to a new life, but most of the country does not notice.

Gallagher, of course, was not your average US Navy SEAL. In 2018, he was charged with multiple criminal counts, including murder, two counts of attempted murder from two other separate incidents, and multiple counts of intimidating witnesses.

The media and the country took notice. Long before a court-martial could be convened or the details of the actual charges made public, opinions in and out of the military began to form. In many cases, the opinions were, and remain, passionate in the extreme. They range from “Gallagher should be hanged,” to “Gallagher is an American hero.”

Details of the case, along with imagined details of the case, have been thoroughly covered by the media, but there are some salient points worth reviewing.

Gallagher was accused of murdering a wounded, captured ISIS member in Iraq in 2017. He was accused of threatening witnesses who were fellow SEALs and of attempting to orchestrate a “blacklisting” of the witnesses by the SEAL community. He was accused of purposely shooting at civilians in Iraq and Afghanistan. Gallagher also was charged with violating rules by posing for a picture of himself with the freshly-dead prisoner and sending that picture in a text to a friend. Interestingly, Gallagher’s commanding officer, Lieutenant Jacob “Jake” Portier, posed with Gallagher for the picture. That should tell us something about the command culture under which Gallagher was operating.

Did Eddie Gallagher commit some or all of these crimes? I wasn’t there, so I don’t know. There is much about the Gallagher case that we cannot determine with any certainty, as there are conflicting testimonies. What I do know is that he was acquitted by a US Navy court-martial panel of all the charges except for the picture-taking charge.

For the picture-taking charge, Gallagher received the maximum sentence of four months confinement. He was also reduced in rank from E-7 (Chief) to E-6 (Petty Officer First Class). The demotion mattered because it significantly reduced Gallagher’s Navy retirement payments. Since he had already served more than four months of confinement, he was released after his sentencing. On November 15, 2019, President Trump reinstated Gallagher to his rank of Chief Special Warfare Operator.

What I also know about the Gallagher case is that the US Navy overall and the US Navy judicial system in particular did a lousy job handling it. It is now evident that senior members of the judicial system and other senior Navy officers exerted unlawful command influence (“UCI”). Senior Navy officers were angry over “the incident.” Based on their statements, their anger stems from the fact that the Gallagher case was good press for the bad guys and bad press for the good guys. In the modern US military, generating bad press is a serious crime.

One glaring example of what the courts-martial system calls unlawful command influence seems to have been committed by now-retired Navy Judge Advocate Vice Admiral James W. Crawford.

I have not seen any mainstream media coverage concerning Vice Admiral Crawford. As far as I am able to determine at this point, Crawford’s interference in Gallagher’s case has not been investigated, but it was recognized by the court-martial panel. In a completely unrelated, but equally serious case, Crawford was found by a military appellate court to have committed UCI. Some members of the judicial system recommended that the US Navy delay Crawford’s retirement so that he could be prosecuted for that instance of UCI. The Navy chose to allow Crawford to retire without any further investigation. I mention Crawford’s demonstrable instance of UCI because it proves that he was, in fact, willing to commit UCI.

Other misconduct by the prosecution included interfering with Gallagher’s access to his attorney and not calling credible witnesses who were offering exculpatory testimony in Gallagher’s favor. In one instance, an Iraqi General was not allowed to testify on Gallagher’s behalf. The defense also alleges that a video showing the prisoner severely wounded and near death when he was brought into camp was taken into evidence and vanished while in the possession of the prosecution. The Navy also botched the case by waiting too long to investigate the charges.

Some of the allegations predate the alleged 2017 killing of the wounded prisoner. Gallagher’s command failed to escalate the case to the Navy judicial system. The case did not reach the Navy judicial system until after witnesses went outside of SEAL Team Seven’s chain of command. That aspect of the badly-handled case can’t be blamed on the judicial system. The delay of any investigation must be blamed on Gallagher’s chain of command.

In the US Navy, murder is a serious crime, but for many senior Navy officers, embarrassing the US Navy is a far more serious offense.

Senior Navy officers feel responsible for the well being of the US Navy and the reputation of a Navy that most of them genuinely love and honorably devote their lives to. Unfortunately, that love that they feel for their Navy can lead them at times to ignore allegations of misconduct. In other instances, they may act over zealously in the prosecution of anyone who they feel tarnishes the image of the US Navy.

This is not a uniquely American phenomenon.

The UK military is currently being accused of massive cover-ups of various war crimes by UK soldiers and Marines. Similar accusations have surfaced in France and Italy in recent years. The nature of those accusations would be a topic for another day, but we should recognize the universal nature of these issues. How an individual country responds to allegations of war crimes depends on the country. In many countries, they simply don’t matter. In the United Kingdom and the United States, they matter. We would do well as a nation to recognize and remember certain aspects of the Gallagher case. Exerting unlawful command influence is wrong and should no longer be tolerated. It can lead to the conviction of innocents or, when exposed, the exoneration of guilty parties. Neither of those helps our military or our foreign policy agendas.

Another aspect of the Gallagher case which is more difficult to clarify and has been almost completely ignored is the awkward and unwelcome question of Eddie Gallagher’s mental health.

Gallagher served for twenty years. For most of that time, his career was without controversy. When serious allegations about his conduct in combat began to surface 2015, he had already been in the Navy for sixteen years. If Gallagher is, indeed, a dangerous criminal as the Navy judicial system claimed, how did he serve without any serious incidents for sixteen years? How does a man serve effectively and honorably for sixteen years without incidence and then become a dangerous criminal?

We are left with two choices as to what we believe about Gallagher.

The first choice is to accept the court-martial result and assume that he was, indeed, innocent of all the charges except posing for the infamous picture. If that’s the case, then we should all be very worried about the terrible job that the Navy judicial system did with the Eddie Gallagher case. If, on the other hand, we wish to assume that Gallagher did indeed murder the wounded ISIS prisoner and/or previously purposely shoot unarmed civilians, then we need to ask how and why that happened. How does a long-standing, decorated member of the Navy SEALs end up doing such things, if, indeed, he did do them? The answer to that question goes way beyond Eddie Gallagher.

Collectively, as a nation, we are living in denial about some of the consequences of combat.

Combat, especially multiple deployments to war zones over long periods of time, can negatively impact an individual’s decision-making ability. In the case of Gallagher, he was undergoing treatment for brain trauma at the time he was arrested due to at least one concussion that he suffered in combat. Long before that treatment started, the Navy should have paid attention to the allegations that his behavior was radically changing. Chief Special Warfare Operators are a rare and valuable commodity, so it is always extremely tempting for commanders to overlook signs of combat fatigue, PTSD, etc., and return an experienced warrior back to combat rather than send him for effective treatment.

I am not a physician and have not read Gallagher’s medical records, so I cannot be certain that his health played any role in incidents which were alleged to have occurred during his last two deployments. However, this is certain: All branches of the US military have pressured military medical personnel to certify military personnel suffering from PTSD and other serious health disorders as fit for combat.

This issue predates the Gallagher case by many decades. In World War II, commanders routinely pressured military physicians to certify soldiers with serious health issues as “fit for combat.” The same thing occurred on a grand scale in Korea and Vietnam. The root of the problem extends far beyond the US military. Mental health and neurology lag behind the other branches of medicine. Mental and neurological patients remain stigmatized in most societies. No warrior would hesitate to point out to his comrade that he is bleeding or showing other symptoms of injury, unless it is a mental health injury. Then it becomes a very difficult subject.

If, as a country, we wish to continue the practice of ignoring the mental health issues of our fellow citizens who we send to fight our wars for us, then we should expect to hear about more incidents like the Eddie Gallagher case. It has happened before, and it will happen again. Whether or not mental health played a part in the Eddie Gallagher case, we should end the practice of ordering physicians to certify unhealthy warriors as fit for duty. For those who feel no sympathy for Eddie Gallagher and feel that he “got away with murder,” they have the military judicial system to blame for that.

That system investigates and prosecutes thousands of cases each year, ranging from overdrawing a checking account to rape and murder. In my opinion, the military system does a better job than our civilian judicial system in most cases, but when unlawful command influence occurs, justice can quickly be perverted. The Eddie Gallagher case was clearly impacted by judicial misconduct on the part of prosecutors and commanding officers. It may have also been influenced by neurological health issues suffered by Eddie Gallagher which went untreated for too long. Our warriors deserve better, and the entire nation deserves better. We should demand better.

Politicians control our military, and we control our politicians. If we don’t like what happened in the Eddie Gallagher case, then we should demand change. Politicians will do whatever it takes to get enough votes. Whether or not the desired changes will occur depends on whether or not you and I speak up to our congressmen.

 

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Now on pre-sale at Amazon!

SPYCRAFT: The Good, the Bad, & the Booty

Key Figures in Espionage

Hollywood has yet to produce either heroes or villains that can match the heights and depths of humanity. Who is more courageous than a one-legged woman, “the most dangerous spy in all of France,” operating in Nazi-occupied territory? Who is more extraordinary than a young man left for dead, not worth a Viet Cong bullet, who survives to hunt down terrorists for six more decades? Who is more heroic than a homeless child living in a cardboard box who grows up to be an iconic showgirl, an espionage legend, and a tireless humanitarian? And what villain is more malevolent than the traitor that lurks in our midst, walking our halls and eating at our tables, while helping our enemies murder our own and butcher thousands of innocents?

Join us as we explore the lives of these espionage elites and others who prove that “we’re only human” is not an excuse to fail, but a reason to succeed.

Click on photo for link to Amazon Pre-sale.

 

 

 

The End is Near (and we deserve it) . . . Yakuza Launches Recruiting Site

By Piper Bayard

Pic like the ones you find at Yakuza site. Not Yakuza pic.  Image by Norbert Weber.

Pic like the ones you find at Yakuza site.
Image by Norbert Weber.

 

Membership in Yamaguchi-gumi, the largest family of Yakuza, or Japanese mafia, has been falling. Due to economic difficulties, the gangsta life is apparently not enough of a recruiting magnet on its own. So the Yamaguchi-gumi now has a recruiting website with its own corporate song, a poetry page, fishing diaries, and a message from the boss. Read about it here . . .

 

Japanese mobsters launch their own website

And this is the site. It’s in Japanese, but don’t worry. It has an English translation option.

Yakuza Recruiting Site

And here’s their video of happy little Yakuza at play to the tune of their theme song.

Blogs and Articles in No Particular Order

Speaking of Yakuza, Japan, and such, a big welcome to historical fiction author Susan Spann, the newest featured author at the Social In network. Look for Susan’s posts about ninjas, a.k.a. shinobi, on Saturdays at SocialInDC. Also, you can pre-order her latest Shinobi Mystery, BLADE OF THE SAMURAI, at Amazon now.

Blade of the Samurai

Kokkie H Reviews The Book Thief by Markus Zusak.

In case you missed it, Holmes wrote an excellent piece about Boko Haram, the kidnapping that caught world attention, and the Western response. Boko Haram — Nigeria’s Jihadi Biker Gang

Image of kidnapped girls released by Boko Haram.  From Voice of America

Image of kidnapped girls released by Boko Haram.
From Voice of America

Emotional Triggers–A Direct Path to Human Connectivity. Great advice about social media marketing strategies from Lonny Dunn of Pronetworkbuild.

UNHCR Says Internal Displacement Affects Some 10,000 People in Ukraine

Via Screenwriter and Best Selling Author Ryne Douglas PearsonPhotos: Ray Bradbury’s House for Sale. Cozy enough for the best of writers. Can be yours for only $1.49 million.

Ray Bradbury's house

Ray Bradbury’s house

 

Photos: Welcome Home–The Story of Scott Ostrom via Christine Moore. There is more than one way to sacrifice a life. This Memorial Day, I won’t only be thinking about those who have died. I’ll be thinking about those who are called to go on.

Great article from New York Times bestseller and former Green Beret Bob Mayer. Survival Friday: Burglaries. I recommend checking out all of his Survival Fridays and picking up his book, The Green Beret Survival Guide. Part of the proceeds will go to Special Operations Warrior Foundations. SOWF provides scholorships grants, education and family counseling to the surviving children of special operations personnel who have died.

 

The Green Beret Survival Guide

Morning A.D.D. (Awkward Daily Dose): Gallery. Get ready for a laugh.

Porn addiction is a very real and very serious issue. Your Brain on Porn: 10 Common Signs of Addiction by August McLaughlin, who is the person you’d get if Dr. Ruth and a supermodel had a baby.

And our video for the day . . . Think of the tub as the Yamaguchi-gumi Recruiting Site, the dog as the Yamaguchi-gumi, and the cat as the poor sucker who takes their web site seriously.

 

 

All the best to all of you for a week of knowing who your friends are.

The End is Near (and we deserve it) . . . Man Crushed to Death by Own Marijuana

Guy Crushed to Death by His Own Marijuana Stash

A man in Brazil was trafficking 1100 pounds of marijuana in the back seat of his car. He led the police on a three mile high speed chase and crashed into a tree. When he crashed, the marijuana in the back seat came into the front seat and smashed him into the steering wheel.

Marijuana public domain wikimedia

As my Granny would say, “That’ll learn ya’.”

While this may be an eye-roller, I concede that it’s a good lesson for those of us who indulge in home repairs, squeezing all kinds of cabinets and plumbing apparatus into our vehicles. I mean, no one wants to die from a toilet attack in their car and end up on this blog, right?

Articles and Blogs in No Particular Order

Hands down my favorite story of the week. Badass WWII Veterans Storm Memorial on National Mall, Defy Government Shutdown Closure. The government actually took the time to put up barriers to our public memorials which always have open access at any other time. Wonder where they got the money for that? I love these vets!

Les Edgerton on Writing: HEROES. This guy knows what it takes to make it.

Congratulations to my awesome publisher, Aaron Patterson–known as A-Pat in the gossip rags–for making the USA Today Bestseller List with Sweet Dreams.

Sweet Dreams by Aaron Patterson

Small motorized object repair with Jess Witkins. I Broke the Fan, so Then I Fixed the Fan

23 Motivating Lessons from Zig Ziglar by Jenny Henson.

Of Monkeys and Men and How We All Need Love by Jennie Saia. Read this and then go hug someone.

Obamacare kicked in this week. Getting health insurance is a blessing for some, but the regulations and devastation to Medicare have been apocalyptic for others. For those who choose not to sign up for health insurance, they could lose their property. A Facebook post went viral when a man talked about how Obamacare allows the government to seize fines from his bank account or take his house. This is partially true. Here is what Snopes has to say about the draconian penalties of not rendering unto the massive social parasite that is our broken health care system. Snopes.com Penalty Shot

After that, we could all use some cheering up. Otter Pups Swim Lesson.

Campaign Style Question of the Week:

All the best to all of you for a week of sensible packing.

Piper Bayard

The End Is Near (and we deserve it) . . . Black Market Used Pregnancy Tests

Women are Selling Positive Pregnancy Tests?

Positive Pregnancy Test

Yep. You heard it right. Used pregnancy tests are now for sale on Craig’s List. Just in case you think screwing a guy over to get him to marry you is the right start for building a life together.

Click on the title above to view the text version.

Blogs and Articles in No Particular Order

Susie Lindau brings us fantastic pictures from the Colorado Flood Zone–Storm Chasing During Boulder’s 100-Year Flood. The storm was upgraded to a 500-Year Flood shortly after she posted this.

Former Boulder resident and New York Times Bestseller Bob Mayer reminds us, Seriously, You HAVE to be PREPARED for Emergencies.

Paige Kellerman proves her brilliance by finding humor in the fact that her house is sinking into the ground. For reals. In the Meantime, We’re Still Sinking. I also highly recommend her book, which I am currently enjoying–At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles. It will have you ROFL from the pregnancy test to the post-partum Pilates DVD.

At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles

10 Facts You Should Know about Migraines

20 Questions to Master Self-Reflection by Nathaniel McMillan at Mature by Nature.

Siri Paulson’s Guide to Train Travel in India.

Looking for Bigfoot? Follow This Map–Others Have Seen ‘Em There

Labor Leader: Obamacare “Needs to be Repealed” if Union Demands aren’t Met. Apparently, Obamacare is only for those who aren’t in Congress and who don’t have union leaders who can get them out of it.

A lot of people are wondering how we ended up with the outrageously expensive travesty that is Obamacare. This short, hysterical  film could help explain it. Help Kickstart WWIII!

I know. We all need a drink after that one. Can’t help you with that, but I can cheer you up with this story of solid decency. Dairy Queen Worker’s Good Deed Goes Viral

By fashion maven Jessica Farkas, Glam Closet: To Accessorze or Not . . . THAT is the Question! Great guidelines for those of us with Fashion Deficit Disorder.

Or how about some porn? Jenny Hansen at More Cowbell brings us the Porn-Watching Map of the U.S.

This article by Special Operations Speaks Out sums up the information that the Obama administration is withholding from the public about Benghazi. An Open Letter to Speaker of the House John Boehner

And to leave a sweeter taste in your mouth, the 4-Ingredient Key Lime Pie from K.B. Owen.

The kids are all back in school, so here’s one in honor of all of the teachers. Thank you for your time and efforts. Feel free to do this if you ever see my kid on the phone during your class.

Campaign Style Poll Daddy Question of the Week:

All the best to all of you for a week of keeping it real.

Piper Bayard

New US Outreach Program — Spooks without Boundaries

By Piper Bayard

First it was the NSA peeking up our digital skirts, illegally collecting and storing raw intelligence on Americans to paw through at will. Then the other four of the Five Eyes—Australia, the UK, New Zealand, and Canada—crowded up for a glimpse. Now I find out that Israel has its cameras under our hemlines, as well. When I consider how many other as-yet-to-be-revealed countries must be signed up for the Big NSA Raw Giveaway, I wonder if America unwittingly wandered onto the set of “Criminal Minds” during Rampant Voyeurs Week.  But as our government so glibly tells us, if we wear our Sponge Bob undies like a good little girls and boys, we have nothing to worry about.

Internet bugs Canstock

I know what you’re thinking—those World Order Conspiracy theorists just might be onto something, after all. Why else would our American government ditch the warrant system to illegally collect our own citizens’ electronic transmissions and share them with all of their corporate and political friends—none of whom loves us enough to help us hide the bodies? That’s the behavior of a bad boyfriend with a revenge porn account.

I don’t blame you one bit for that train of thought. But rest assured! You’ll be glad to know I did some checking with non-existent sources and found out nothing could be further from the truth. Indeed, I’m betting you’ll feel as pleased with our government as I am when you hear the details.

Our government leaders, in their infinite wisdom and compassion, noticed that giving out candy bars in war zones somehow didn’t win America the Miss Congeniality prize they so coveted in the World Image Competition. They hired three out-of-work Carnival cruise directors, a retired circus clown, and the hostess from the local Hooters to get together and figure out what would make us more popular on the world stage. Their innovative solution is already rocking the planet.

These brilliant out-of-the-box thinkers looked to Doctors Without Borders and No Child Left Behind as guidelines and developed a new, all-inclusive friendship outreach program that proves America is now willing to put out for anyone who gives her an “I love you” and a promise of respect in the morning. The folks in D.C. and in the NSA have proudly dubbed it “Spooks Without Boundaries.” Their motto? No Country Left Behind!

The new program is rooted in the same fundamental progressive notion that makes Obamacare so successful—the conviction that candidates win votes with overblown promises of physical comfort and security. And why shouldn’t every government have the same illegal access to our phone calls and electronic transactions that our own government has? After all, if all of this intimate surveillance of Americans is keeping us safe—except from a couple of deadbeat potheads with a hotline to Chechnya Jihad Central—isn’t it only compassionate that we share this universal safety with those electronically less fortunate? Why should outdated Cold War ethnocentrism, phobia of al-Qaeda and its wannabes, or the rogue Israeli faction attack on the USS Liberty* affect our foreign policy decisions? With Spooks Without Boundaries, everyone, citizen or not, will be safe, because every government will have access to the personal transactions and communications of Americans.

World Hug Canstock

With all of this free love going around, it has me wondering how long it will be before the NSA starts to share a little of it with America. After all, if Americans are so willing to toss off their privacy rights in the name of safety, why not give state and local police access to the benefits of PRISM and the other NSA toys? It would be nothing to track down meth labs, underage drinkers, and deadbeat dads, not to mention felons and bail jumpers. Why should Israel, the Five Eyes, and untold others enjoy that level of knowledge about us when we don’t?

And why stop there? The NSA is already swapping info with their BFFs, the international corporations. Why not small businesses, too? Just think how useful PRISM would be to collection agents, private eyes hired to track cheating spouses, or marketing firms sending targeted ads just for you. If we’ve already decimated American privacy in the name of homeland security, how long will it be before we enjoy the safety inherent in giving all of our information to our local police and small businesses?

Spooks Without Boundaries—it’s not just for foreign terrorists anymore! Write to your congressmen today and tell them you want Americans to enjoy the same free love we give to Israel, our allies, and others. After all, if we’re going to pass out tickets to foreign countries to peep at our privates, shouldn’t we see them ourselves?

* Recently declassified documents indicate that a rogue element of the Israeli government orchestrated the 1967 attack on the USS Liberty.

Related Articles:

British Spy Agency Taps Cables, Shares with US NSA (Info on Five Eyes)

U.S. Agencies Said to Swap Data with Thousands of Firms

NSA Shares Raw Intelligence Including Americans’ Data with Israel

NSA and Israeli Intelligence: Memorandum of Understanding—Full Document

What Makes US-Israeli Intelligence Co-operation “Exceptional”?

Disney World Elitists? Send Them to Camp Adios Pendejo!

By Piper Bayard & Jay Holmes

This past week, Piper noticed a scandal at, of all places, Disney World. Supposedly, a social researcher uncovered an underground concierge service that hooks up wealthy Manhattan Moms with disabled people to accompany them on their family trips to world famous theme park. Once there, the “upper crust” mothers claim these disabled people are part of their families so they can skip to the very front of the lines.

Walt Disney World image by Krismast, wikimedia commons

Walt Disney World
image by Krismast, wikimedia commons

Our initial investigation into this scandal reveals that many reporters writing about it are assuming that this “rent a disabled person” scheme is accepted practice among wealthy New Yorkers. Even to not-wealthy working class Joes like us, this assumption seems to defy human nature and the history of New York.

For one thing, New York’s elite don’t need to hire a disabled person to cut to the front of a line. Disney sells VIP tours to wealthy families from anywhere, providing backstage access and all-day escorts. The “VIPs” already bypass the lines, and the “disabled guides” don’t come with the backstage passes. The cost difference to those people who happen to be morally impoverished enough to stage the deception would not justify the loss in privilege. And besides, why not just rent a wheelchair for the day and have one of their own family ride in it?

While we can’t be certain how many actual cases of “sleazy, rich parents at Disney” are occurring, we know that some people would probably do this dastardly deed just to boost their own feelings of clever superiority over the unwashed masses. We here at Bayard & Holmes, ever alert to chances to turn your problems into our opportunities, feel that, while these integrity-challenged souls are not suited for being around thousands of innocent children at Disney, they should not be excluded from summer fun.

Therefore, we tasked our legions of Bayard & Holmes Vacation and Entertainment Specialists (us) with expanding our own theme park services beyond our Happy Camper Programs at Camp Cheerful on Guantanamo Bay in Cuba. We have acquired a top secret Pacific Ocean Test Range in the lovely Marshall Islands and established our new Camp Adios Pendejo, designed to provide your most despised elitists with satisfying alternatives to a Disney experience.

Our enthusiastic Happiness Technicians, recruited from among retired phone solicitors, bill collectors, and graduates of our special Depraved Congressmen Rehabilitation programs at Camp Cheerful, will greet our over-entitled guests upon their arrival with their special vacation fun suits.

Actual Photo of Camp Adios Pendejo Vacationers image from Library of Congress, public domain

Actual Photo of Camp Adios Pendejo Vacationers
image from Library of Congress, public domain

Then they will march escort our reprehensible visitors to our outstanding dining facilities where our nutritional experts devise new recipes that immerse them in a cultural experience their taste buds will remember for a lifetime. What our retired prison chefs can do with a few scorpions and sulfide is the stuff of legend.

And every theme park needs exciting rides. You’ve heard of the famous Pirates of the Caribbean Disney Ride? Hah! Our vacationers get a vastly superior experience on our thrilling Pirates of Somalia Ride. Our special guests—and we consider all of our guests to be special—will paddle their canoes through a shockingly realistic gauntlet of Somali Pirates as those wild and crazy seamen pretend to attempt to mutilate them. The screams of laughter will be heard for miles!

Those who survive will then be treated to our luxurious paddle wheel cruiser, dubbed the Endless Nightmare by our previous guests. The heartless bastards cheerful vacationers will delight in the the glowing walls of the water caves carved out by the nuclear testing as they are auto-piloted past smiling youngsters from the Al-Qaeda Youth Brigade, who will serenade them with a charming rendition of It’s a Short Life After All while firing thrillingly realistic Chinese assault rifles at the boat.

Campers will finish off their day with a special treat! Unlike the Parachute Rides you find at third rate state fair carnivals, we provide our first class guests with a special Bayard & Holmes My Chute Didn’t Open Drop into shark infested waters. Our dedicated camera crew will be waiting in a boat to snap vacation photos of these morally indigent creatures using their best swimming skills to evade those fun-loving reef sharks.

We are sure many of you readers know deserving folks who could use the restorative, rehabilitating qualities of our Happy Camper Programs. Please nominate the person you feel most deserves a long vacation at our exclusive facilities. Tell us why they should skip the lines and crowds at Disney for the far more elite experience of Camp Adios Pendejo. We’ll do our best to get them a scholarship discount for a summer of fun that they’ll remember for the rest of their lives—all twenty minutes of them. It will be so much fun, they might never get home.

The End is Near (and we deserve it) . . . Goat Arrested for Attempted Robbery

An oldie but goodie. A goat in Nigeria was accused of being a person who attempted to steal a Mazda 323 before turning himself into a goat with black magic. Yes, really.

Police Arrest Goat Accused of Armed Robbery

image by JD554, wikimedia commons

Click on title for full story.

Blogs and Articles in No Particular Order

Don’t miss this! K.B. Owen brings us the amazing Halloween light display that is Halloween, Gangnam Style.

Mark Kaplowitz asks the question, Remember When Debates Involved Debating?

Why Women with Autism are Invisible via Heather Konik.

A darling video from Laird Sapir. Hedgehog in the Fog

Hedgehog in the Fog

How to Get Unfriended, Ignored, and Blocked on Facebook by best selling author Kristen Lamb.

Marcy Kennedy asks, What Lord of the Rings Character are You?

Bottled Message from Canada Flows to Ireland

Sonia Todd wrote her own obituary before she died, thanking the people she had known. It shows what a beautiful soul this world lost when she passed. Sonia Todd Obituary

If I had a GPS system, I would use the backlighting on it to illuminate my paper map. Apple Maps Dark Knight Parody.

Now for our Poll Daddy question of the week.

All the best to all of you for a week of avoiding criminal goats.

Piper Bayard–The Pale Writer of the Apocalypse