The End is Near (and we deserve it) . . . Sci Fi Themed Brothel Near Area 51

By Piper Bayard

Star Wars Princess Leia and Jobba the Hut

For those who have always dreamed of an out-of-this-world threesome.

Alien Cathouse? Wonder why they went with that instead of Area 69? Will this make Princess Leia the first Disney Princess to end up in a brothel? Will there soon be a Disney-themed brothel near Magic Mountain? Speculation is endless.

Blogs and Articles in No Particular Order

So now let’s sweeten things up a bit with a recipe from author Amber Medina. Citrus Almond Cake with Whipped Coconut Cream

Terrific article from Bestselling Authors Jen Talty and Bob Mayer about The Relevance of Customer Reviews and Discoverability.

Where Children Sleep Page

image from Amazon.com

 

Christine Moore brings us a fascinating post by Sunny Skyz with some outstanding pictures from Where Children Sleep, a large format collection of photographs of children’s bedrooms from around the world by photographer James Mollison. 17 Children and Their Bedrooms from Around the World. I can’t encourage you enough to take a look at this.

The 50 Coolest Inventions from All 50 States via Bestselling Author Larry Enright.

Some outstanding perspective on the latest Ft. Hood shooting by Jenn Carpenter, who lived there. The Truth about Ft. Hood. Thanks to  Jenny Hansen of More Cowbell for pointing me to this.

Kudos to this Aquinas College class for The Best Classroom April Fool’s Prank Ever. Seriously. This was awesome!

Campaign Style Poll of the Week

All the best to all of you for a week of having fun with sci fi.

Join in comments at 

Bayard & Holmes

The End is Near (and we deserve it) . . . 

Sci Fi Themed Brothel Near Area 51

The End is Near (and we deserve it) . . . Corn Dogs Shut Down Interstate

By Piper Bayard

image by BenFranske, wikimedia commons

image by BenFranske, wikimedia commons

A truck carrying ketchup, mustard, and 76,000 corn dogs wrecked on I-220 near Shreveport, Louisiana, this week, shutting down the interstate. Acting on the Five-Second Rule, local rednecks descended on the grub like zombies attacking the cast of The Walking Dead. Fortunately, no one was injured in the making of this End is Near moment.

Louisiana weather forecast? Cloudy with a Chance of Corn Dogs.

Blogs and Articles in No Particular Order

A big welcome to Kelly Roberts, the new kid on the Blogoverse Block. And So It Begins . . .

Interesting perspective from Natalie C. Markey. Life Lessons from a Middle Eastern Compound Resident

7 Minutes with . . . Allison Brennan by J.T. Ellison. New York Times Bestseller and Sharp Lady Allison Brennan this week kicked off her new Maxine Revere crime series with the release of NOTORIUS.

Notorius by Allison Brennan

Author K.B. Owen reminds us that there is a holiday devoted to mirth. Happy Hilaria! Cool Pranks, Past and Present

“Flat Stanley” Home after Decade in Soldier’s Wallet. Via Author Jenny Hansen of More Cowbell.

Author Julie Glover shares Dancing Bacon and My Three Degrees to KevinThose of us from small towns in and near Texas know that Footloose wasn’t fiction. This fun video that Julie found brings it all back.

Campaign Style Poll of the Week . . .

All the best to all of you for a week of hearty meals.

The End is Near (and we deserve it) . . . Putin Nominated for Nobel Peace Prize

By Piper Bayard

Always trying to outshine Stalin, aren’t you, Vlady?

Let me put this in perspective. Putin is invading Ukraine based on the argument that because there are Russian speaking people of Russian heritage in that country, Russia has the right to go in and protect the interests of those people. By that reasoning, we can expect the Mexican army to be setting up camps through the Southwest any day now.

Ah, well. Once Yasser Arafat won it, there were no surprises left.

Vladimir Putin, Dove of Peace image by premier.gov.ru

Vladimir Putin, Dove of Peace
image by premier.gov.ru

See our previous response to the notion of Putin and Peace Prize in the same sentence at B&H Nobel Peace-Through-Ironic-Laughter Prize Nominations.

Blogs and Articles in No Particular Order

Proud to say our Monday post, Ukraine Crisis: Vladimir Putin and the Power of Gas, was Freshly Pressed this week. A big welcome to all of our new subscribers!

It Didn’t Start Last Week — Timeline of Ukrainian Invasions

Timeline of Ukrainian Turmoil — Part Two, 2001 – Present

Ukraine in Crisis: Vladimir Putin and the Power of Gas

The Cliffside Rose

The Cliffside Rose

The Cliffside Rose Flash Fiction Contest — Vote Now! When Holmes and I stumbled across this rose on the side of a cliff in the middle of a secluded desert on the day after Valentine’s Day, we challenged our readers to explain this oddity using the words “Dixie,” “witness protection,” and “cheese grater.” We have eight outstanding entries who are vying for your vote. Come by and enjoy the yarns they have spun in an effort to win a copy of DOWN AND DEAD IN DIXIE by USA Today bestseller Vicki Hinze.

I had the honor of guest posting at New York Times bestseller Allison Brennan‘s Murder She Writes site this week. In James Bond vs. The Spook, I share a few things I’ve learned about real covert operatives since I started working with Holmes.

Is this the real Holmes?

Is this the real Holmes?

Recently, numerous bloggers participated in August McLaughlin’s Beauty of a Woman Blogfest 2014. Three of my favorites are What are Your 21 Layers of Beauty? by Jenny Hansen, Beauty: A Matter of Mind Over Matter by Kassandra Lamb, and Inspiring Beauty Quotes: A #BOAW3 Wrap-Up, Part II by August McLaughlin.

Like Detective Fiction? Thank the Metropolitan Police Act by K.B.Owen at Misterio Press.

Yoga IS for Everyone. A Short Guest Series, Part 2 by Christine Moore.

When so many of us are tired of winter, it helps to be reminded of the beauty. Crystallize – Lindsey Stirling Dubstep Violin Original Song.

Campaign Style Question of the Week:

All the best to all of you for a peaceful week.

To join in comments, come to

Bayard & Holmes

The End is Near (and we deserve it) . . . Putin Nominated for Nobel Peace Prize

The Spanking Santa–A Holiday Survival Essential

By Piper Bayard & Jay Holmes

The most wonderful stressful time of the year is upon us. Long lines, visiting relatives, and credit card bills that give bankers a warm, fuzzy feeling in their wallets. But fear not! Bayard & Holmes Holiday Survival is back once more to help you navigate this cauldron of tension without beating anyone bloody with a turkey leg.

A spook and a belly dancer. Not us. Image from The Man with the Golden Gun.

We, a pragmatic author/belly dancer and a spook who solves most of life’s problems with sex, C4, or hollow points, are clearing our schedules so that we can assist you with your holiday survival questions. In fact, we’ve had a few pleas for assistance already.

Sarah Broogenstegler in Research Pod 3, Antarctica, sent us this desperate missive.

Dear Bayard & Holmes:

My husband, Clyde, and I love the Holidays. Unfortunately, six years ago, after a ten-year stint in Joliet Prison for a Ponzi scheme that bankrupted twelve hospitals, Clyde’s Uncle Harry started showing up uninvited on Christmas Day. We tried to be charitable the first year, but he drank all of our alcohol and mouthwash and fell in the punch bowl. It splashed on the Christmas lights and shorted them out. The ensuing fire nearly burned down the house.

Clyde is a pacifist and made me sell my .45 Colt automatic years ago. Rather than reintroduce firearms into our lifestyle to deal with Uncle Harry, we relocated to Antarctica. Last week, though, we got a radio message that Harry had somehow acquired our GPS coordinates and was hitching a ride with Greenpeace activists to get down here for Christmas.

I’m in tears! Please help!

image from Department of Defense

Click on the link below to find out the Bayard & Holmes solution to this holiday dilemma. Remember to subscribe while you’re there. We don’t want to miss you in the move!

Bayard & Holmes

The Spanking Santa –

A Holiday Survival Essential

Frosty the Throwman & Other Tactical Holiday Products

By Piper Bayard & Jay Holmes

In anticipation of the holiday season, our tremendous staff in our Bayard & Holmes Tactical Products Division (us) at the Bayard and Holmes Secret Underground Research Complex (Holmes’s basement) spent this fall ignoring social media memes and developing the tactical products you need to make your holiday season a safer and happier time.

Snowman pitcher schneemann wikimedia public domain

To learn about our Frosty the Throwman Snowball Protection System, Vin de Sommeil Relative Stress Reducer, and Tactical Baby Jesus, click on the link below to go to our new Bayard & Holmes website. Remember to subscribe while you’re there. We don’t want to lose you in the move.

Bayard & Holmes

Frosty the Throwman

and Other Tactical Holiday Products

NSA: Hoarders, Cheaters, Dr. Phil, or Jerry Springer? You Decide.

By Piper Bayard

“Compulsive Hoarding is a mental disorder marked by an obsessive need to acquire and keep things, even if the items are worthless, hazardous, or unsanitary.” ~ Hoarders

At this point, we know the following about the NSA and its electronic data collection on Americans and foreigners:

  • First and foremost, the NSA is not acting in a vacuum. The basic purpose of intelligence agencies is to gather information . . . not for themselves, but for the policy makers. Their actions must be authorized and funded by the White House and Congress.
  • The NSA, at the behest of the White House and Congress, is unapologetically collecting and storing all of our electronic transmissions—phone calls, banking transactions, grocery purchases, social media posts, social media connections, internet search histories, etc., in the name of “security.”
  • In spite of all of this Extreme Security, they couldn’t pinpoint two deadbeats with a hotline to Chechnya Jihad Central who were Facebooking and Tweeting their jihadi hafla across the Cyberverse.

What does this tell us? The NSA has so many ones and zeros stacked up on us that it can no longer tell fact from fiction, or terrorist from law-abiding citizen. It has at this point collected so much hay in the barn that it can no longer find the threatening needle, or even the barn.

Actual photo of NSA data storage

Actual photo of NSA data storage

So I’m wondering . . . Do we need to send the Hoarders crew to NSA headquarters to help them sort out this dysfunction? Or do we just need to fire them all and put the crew of Cheaters in charge of figuring out who needs surveilling, and who doesn’t?

Come on over to our new site, and help me walk the NSA through a 12-Step Program. Please bring your comments — we love your comments — over to the new site, and remember to subscribe when you get there. We want to bring you all with us!

Bayard & Holmes

NSA:  Hoarders, Cheaters, Dr. Phil, or Jerry Springer? You Decide.

Because Laughter is Apparently the Only Medicine

By Piper Bayard

No matter what your stand on Obamacare, it’s undeniable that so far it’s falling ludicrously short of White House promises, from the crafty bait and switch that is resulting in a majority of people having to change their health insurance* to the Healthcare.gov website that will forever stand for monumental bureaucratic incompetence.

So what can we do? At this point, there’s nothing we CAN do but laugh. Let me help you out with that today.

Join us over at Bayard & Holmes by clicking on the link below, and remember to transfer your subscription to the new site. We would hate to leave you behind.

Bayard & Holmes

Because Laughter is Apparently the Only Medicine

Having Fun in Bed

By Piper Bayard

I always say the only thing worse than working out is not being able to, and that’s why I go to the gym. Even when we’re doing our best, though, those inevitable illnesses and injuries come along that keep us semi-bedridden for a while. I’m currently going through one of those times myself.

I find the challenge is to keep my spirits up and not give in to thoughts about how long it will take to recuperate, but rather focus on what I can do today. The most important way to accomplish this is to keep up a variety of character building, brain stimulating activities. These are some of the things I’ve found to pass the time during my breaks from reading and writing.

image by Poptart at wikimedia commons

10 Ways to Keep Occupied In Bed

  1. See how close I can roll to the edge of the bed without falling off.
  2. Practice burning the edges of satin ribbons with a lighter without turning them black. (It’s an oddly addictive activity. Don’t judge.)
  3. Make a genuine effort at levitating the dust off of the ceiling fan and into the trash.
  4. Howl back at the neighbor’s dog.
  5. Make prank phone calls from my cell phone to the house phone downstairs.
  6. Watch all episodes of Breaking Bad.
  7. Mourn the fact that there isn’t another season available.
  8. Repeat 6 and 7 with Game of Thrones.
  9. Pause to wonder if J. “R.R.” Tolkien and George “R.R.” Martin are related.
  10. Contemplate changing my name to Piper “R.R.” Bayard and writing high fantasy. Suppose Aaron Paul and Bryan Cranston would star in the movie?

What do you do to keep your mind active when you’re stuck on bedrest?

Besides the obvious, that is. We do keep a PG-13 blog here. :)

All the best to all of you for staying gainfully occupied.

The End is Near (and we deserve it) . . . Wine for Cats

Nyan Nyan Nouveau, Wine for Cats, On the Market in Japan

I’m delighted to report that Japan no longer has homeless people, orphans, diseases, or natural disasters so that the Japanese can develop wine for cats. Click on the title for the text.

Nyan Nyan Nouveau

Nyan Nyan Nouveau

Blogs and Articles in No Particular Order

Fun, quick post from Jenny Hansen–Life is All About . . . Give Me One Word!

I don’t go on haunted tours. I let Susie Lindau do it for me. Ghost Walk

Some gorgeous photos from Award Winning Author Justine Dare Davis. Do You Love Where You Live?

International Giveaway and Interview with Allison Brennan at Larissa’s Bookish Life. Allison is the New York Times Bestselling Author of the Lucy Kincaid series and a fun lady, to boot.

And to get the rest of the bad news over with, the NSA is collecting millions of contact lists, including those of Americans. Yes, this one is so undeniable, even MSN is reporting it. Also, the Washington Post article: NSA Collects Millions of E-Mail Address Books Globally

And for the latest on whistleblower Edward Snowden . . . Edward Snowden: US Would Have Buried NSA Warnings Forever.

Now that I’ve thoroughly depressed you, time to cheer you back up again . . .

image from Bored Panda

image from Bored Panda

This one via literary agent Chip MacGregor cracked me up. 15th Century Flemish Style Portraits Recreated in Airplane Lavatory from Bored Panda. I know how I’m killing time on my next airplane flight.

Saudi Cleric Warns Driving Could Damage Women’s Ovaries

The video in this piece from Kitt Crescendo had me actually ROFL, but beware that the language evokes some quite graphic sexual images. What I Brought Back

Brickhouse Chick gives us a far more interesting Story from the Shutdown than the things you’ll find in mainstream media. Brickhousechick Gets Arrested

And a big thanks to Julie Glover for pointing me to this gem. If this guy doesn’t give you a smile, not much will. One Man Dances Like Nobody’s Watching . . . While Everyone Is.

All the best to all of you for a week of pampering.

Piper Bayard

National Drunk Dial Congress Day!

By Piper Bayard and Jay Holmes

Since Congress is out fighting on the playground again instead of doing the job we hired them to do, we here at Bayard & Holmes have stepped in to make sure “essential” duties are not ignored. One of those is the ever more difficult task of keeping up moral in America. To meet that burden, we have declared October 17 to be National Drunk Dial Congress Day.

For those of us who actually have to work to keep up with “essential” matters in life that don’t include the “essential” golf courses and “essential” fitness clubs where you will find our congressmen during the shutdown, we found this delightful web site for you called . . .

Canstock Man in Bar on phone while drinking

DrunkDialCongress.org

Yes, this is for real. Piper checked it out for us. You leave your number at the web site. Within a minute or so, your phone rings. A man’s voice says, “Is this government shutdown making you want to drink? When I drink, I like to tell people what’s on my mind.” Then you will be transferred to the office of a random member of Congress. The rather liberal group Revolution Messaging is behind the site, but supposedly both Democrats and Republicans receive calls.

Piper’s message to her random congressman? “Every one of you yahoos needs a good spanking. Stop putting your parties above the American people.”

We would be honored if you would take a moment to join in the fun and Drunk Dial Congress with us today. Please tell us below what you will tell the random slacker you are sent to during your Drunk Dial Opportunity. Please keep it PG-13, and let Congress be our target, not our fellow commenters or any actual Americans. Let’s band together and recognize the true enemy in this situation — partisan politics.