The original Beme is back in the news. Yep. Evangel Bear Jones done went and burnt hisself a Ko–Ran, proving once again that there is no apocalypse like the one we create for ourselves.
For those of you who may not be familiar, a beme is a bit of non-news used to create a news marketing sensation. It’s the news equivalent of what you cross a Beanie Baby with a meme. Something with virtually no intrinsic value that enjoys a false value because someone tells people it has a value, and, hey, who wants to miss out on value, right?
Ev-Angel Bear Jones
I dubbed the Rev. Jones the first Beme last September when he landed a CNN interview to tell the world of his intentions to build a bonfire with Korans. As a result of that CNN coverage, he enjoyed a rousing fifteen minutes of fame, complete with discussions with world leaders and the attention of every major news agency on the planet. The only thing missing was the only thing that might have been appropriate at the time, an SNL skit.
Apparently, the Rev. Jones, who came to Florida when he was booted out of his German church for being a heretical attention whore, got bored again. Instead of having a big public Koran burning this time—I guess CNN was busy with that little nuclear meltdown—he and his tiny congregation held an inquisition of the Koran in the privacy of their own potluck and broadcast it live on Truthtv. The mock trial included advocates for and against the Koran, along with witnesses who were Christians converted from Islam. To no one’s surprise, the Koran was convicted of inciting violence, and the Rev. Jones “executed” the book by fire, breaking his public promise of 9/11/10 to never burn a Koran.
Some Afghanis heard about this and began killing random Westerners at the U.N. building in Kandahar, not caring that their victims had probably never harmed the stack of paper and ink titled “Koran,” or the fact that several Nepalis were caught up in their net of death. The Reverend Jones says that their reaction to his action is proof that the Koran incites violence. . . . Hmm.
Now, as I have mentioned before, I am an adherent of Baseball, and as such I believe I am neutral enough in this situation to point out a few objective facts.
- Over 2 billion Christians did not burn Korans today.
- Over 1.5 billion Muslims did not kill anyone over the Reverend Jones’ dog and pony show.
- The violence over this has been limited to Afghanistan.
- Inciting violence in Afghanistan is almost as difficult as watching ice melt, but not quite.
- Muslims burn Korans with impunity every time they bomb a rival mosque or burn down a school in the name of Allah, and no one gets their knickers in a twist, which leads me to conclude this violence has nothing to do with burning a Koran.
- The Reverend Jones is basking in his carefully cultivated second shot at the worldwide spotlight, threatening even more drama-trauma protests, which leads me to conclude that his actions have nothing to do with either Christianity or Islam.
The Reverend Jones has fallen into a classic ego trap. A juvenile contest of “My God’s better than your God,” or, to be more specific, since both Christians and Muslims trace their “one God” to the same origin, “My book’s better than yours.” It’s a tempting pitfall. Even I would love to expound on how glorious the world would be if we all just practiced baseball. . . . But I digress. . . .
Now, rather than fight this out in the streets where people are being murdered over this elaborate form of He Said-He Said (neither book has a “She”), I have a suggestion along the lines of the Taliban Wife Swap that I mentioned in a previous blog (click here). We could send the Reverend Jones to be a contestant on the Turkish game show, Penitents Compete.
Penitents Compete is a real game show in Turkey where a Muslim imam, a Christian priest (or, in this case, a man with no academic degree in theology), a Jewish rabbi, and a Buddhist monk compete to see if they can convert atheists on TV. . . . No, really. . . . I’m not making this up. (Click here.) . . . And the prize? The atheists win a pilgrimage to the spiritual home of their newly chosen creed.
The Reverend Jones can impart how Christianity is the religion of peace, and how homosexuals and Islam are of the devil and condemned to Hell. The Muslim imam can explain how Islam is the religion of peace, and how child brides, misogyny, and jihad work into that. The Jewish rabbi can enlighten the atheists as to how Judaism is the religion of peace, and how Israel has the God-given right to expand its borders with impunity, no matter who gets dispossessed. Meanwhile, the Buddhist monk can munch his veggie-burger and maintain his vow of silence. I’m guessing that, upon analysis of those facts, the atheists will opt for the pilgrimage to Tibet.
As for myself, I would answer the Reverend Jones, as well as the murderers, with a quote from the Christian holy book, Ecclesiastes (a.k.a. The Preacher). . . . “All is vanity.”
So I’m asking my readers today to help me out with this peace initiative. Let’s get the Rev. Jones’ “Balloon Boy Dad” attention obsession satisfied without any more people having to die at the hands of equally narcissistic cavemen. What reality TV show would you send the Rev. Jones to?
All the best to all of you for not getting caught in traps of vanity.
Piper Bayard—The Pale Writer of the Apocalypse
Well said, Piper, well said!
You nailed it with the Ecc. quote. Yours is the only news story I’ve read that makes sense. No one should fight with Jones-he doesn’t deserve that. Someone needs to snip that guy’s vocal cords and put all those foolish (albeit dangerous) words to rest. Because, though “good” Muslims would never kill an American or a Christian because of this incident, it would still hurt to see their beloved book so mistreated. Just like it hurts me to see the Bible banned in (some) Muslims countries. People like him pull people apart, even further than we already are. It’s so foolish.
And about that silent, veggie-burger eating Buddhist…I’d say his “religion of peace” is also bull. Coming from a missionary kid who grew up in Thailand, and having our house surrounded by torch and gun toting Buddhist monks chanting for us to GO HOME, I’d say all religions are pretty much equal in that regard.
That’s why only a relationship with God and men will save us, not professing staunch allegiance to some old Laws and “religion.”
Thanks for writing a good and thought provoking post.
Wow. That sounds like a very scarey incident you lived through as a child. I’m not surprised, though. Self-righteousness is a plague of humanity, and every religion, cult, and society on the planet has a story about how it’s members are the one and only chosen people of “god(ess).” It’s like some bone-deep, genetically ingrained need to be the one sitting on Daddy’s lap all the time, and to hell with the siblings. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your story.
“Muslims burn Korans with impunity every time they bomb a rival mosque or burn down a school in the name of Allah, and no one gets their knickers in a twist . . ”
Good point. My eyes tend to glaze over when I read about religions and the religious and the ensuing hate that invariably follows. Religion has never made any sense to me, despite growing up attending Sunday school, going to a Christian college, and working in a church. Maybe that’s why it’s a major theme in my fiction. lol
Like you, I worked in a church. I was a church secretary for a year, writing and printing their newsletters and bulletins right after I got out of college with a tech writing degree. The economy sucked, and I was glad for the job. Like everywhere, some folks were very nice, and, like everywhere, others were not. I will never forget the things I saw and heard behind the scenes, partly because I see them and hear them in the headlines all the time. I know what you mean about it being a major theme in your fiction. The experience is valuable material when I’m writing about the theocracy in my sci fi. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
I think “Survivor: Kandahar” was cancelled for poor ratings and insufficient bikinis to interest a U.S. audience, so instead I think I’ll go with “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader” – because the kids need to win every once in a while.
Lmao. An excellent suggestion. The kids could certainly win this one with no struggle. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
I think you said so many good and powerful things here, but I think what’s most important is your analysis of the beme, which is all too often taken for news and too many draw their education from such non-sources. Perhaps if we didn’t have such a preponderance of bemes, we’d have less embarrassments of the likes of “Rev” Jones. Well done!
That’s a great point you make in that we would have fewer Rev. Jones farces if we had fewer bemes to begin with. People are so inundated with non-news from non-sources that they are desensitized to BS and unable to recognize it. Thank you for your compliment, and thanks for stopping by and commenting.
Fab writing, Piper. I’ve now subscribed, making this whole blogging world that much smaller. (How long til all bloggers start playing 6-degrees-of-separation-from-Clay-Morgan?)
Reality game shows. I’d like to see the Reverend Jones go a mile in the heat of Gordon Ramsey’s kitchen. There’s a nice hell metaphor I probably shouldn’t be suggesting. You know, casting the first stone, and all that. But I do have a good throwing arm.
Leanne
What a great suggestion! I think Rev. Jones could use a healthy dose of Gordon Ramsey. He should be right at home in Hell’s Kitchen considering all the fire and brimstone he tosses around. Thanks for subscribing, and thanks for stopping by and commenting.
They could all be featured in an episode of “Six feet Under”. Except that it’s got dark humor in it and this reality is just…dark.
Ooo. Six Feet Under. I like that. The reality is definitely dark, but it might be made lighter through the absence of a few of the players. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
To me, there are many religions, which was a path to know God. It doesn’t matter whether one is Buddhist, Jewish, Muslims, Christians, etc. None can’t be better than the other because the followers had screwed them up.
Hmm. Makes me think of a new twist on an old saying where I come from. . . . Religions don’t kill people; people kill people. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
Great post, Piper! I agree, it has nothing to do with either Quran or Bible, but those who abuse the authority conferred by their preferred texts. Keep the good sense coming!
An excellent point. Abuse of authority. And the authority, itself, is as manufactured and lacking in true substance as the drama created around these people. Thank you for stopping by and commenting.
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